+fOr yOu i bLeEd+

It is easy to love without commitment. People do it all the time. Easy to love, to give oneself for a while. But commitment implies bonding in such a way that one promises to keep fires of love burning indefinitely.

It also means shutting one’s heart to the possibility of loving another who might even be more attractive, even more lovable. Not easy. This is why solid commitments are not all as common as we are led to believe.

In fact, more often than not, I think that the commitment two lovers make are not equal. What I mean is that the commitment of one might be a whole lot less that the partner’s. We see it all the time. One loves more than the other. It is false to believe that two lovers love each other to the same degree.

We have often seen lopsided love relationships where one partner is giving so much more to the relationship than the other. But writers and poets seem always indicate that love isn’t just two-way street, but an equal two-way street. That hardly ever happens. It is impossible to determine exactly how much a man loves a woman or much a woman cares for a man.

Love cannot be measured and that can be a huge problem. You can love someone and tell her/him “I love you” and you’re telling the truth. But how much do you love her/him? Enough to let him to court you/Enough to let yourself to court her? Enough to marry her/him? Enough to die for her/him?
The greatest test of true love is commitment. And the greatest indicator of deep love is deep commitment. There can be no doubting this.

I heard people say all the right words, make all the right moves and pledge of undying love, only to walk away weeks, months, or years away later. Were they in love? Sure they were. But not enough to allow them to hold strong in their love. Not enough to keep a commitment regardless of the pain.

A lover gets a sinking feeling when there is a sense of that one is more committed than the other. When one is giving a lot more than the one is receiving. When one’s love is lot more solid than the creaky love of the partner. When a couple believe strongly that their commitment to each other is rock solid, there is a deep sense of security, a feeling that it’s ok to give all because the gift of yourself is safe in the hands of the beloved.

If, however, there is a doubt or worse, the conviction that one is engaged in one-way giving, in a one-way commitment that is lopsided, then there is a tendency to pull back and not to give as much. And when that happens, love begins to fade.